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About Literature / Student Member Chance Ewart Group :iconrosavampobsessed: RosaVampObsessed
 
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All these people everywhere, they try to pretend, they say they understand.  they all try to say they get your pain, it gets better with time, it gets better with time.  they all say it, but it doesnt.  its been a long long 5 years and it hasn't gotten better.  NObody cares, its al pretend, this game of lifes we all play play play.  its always once im at the edge, the edge of my limits i wonder.  how far can i go before it truly becomes too much, how much ground do i have behind me?  being pushed pushed pushed back all these years, how can there stil be ground left to fall upon?  i havent cut.  not since that night in that house.  4 maybe 5 minths clean, but it still hurts so much.  i wish i never stopped.  once i stopped, almost one year clean til i fell back. but it didnt work, it doesnt make it better any more.  now i cut to try to make it how it used to be, a time lost in the past.  i wonder about that too.  do you still think back into the past?  or have you forgotten me like everyone else.  did you see my insanity? this chaos bubbleing up inside me?  i can barely see through it, my mind is shattered by you.  i dare not hope any more, ive been let down too many times, my mind seems not to work.  yet every day i wake up, put a smile one my face that one one seems to think is out of place. they dont try.  no one tries to see past my lies.  to see past these lies into me, and trully look at a human soul.  its so easy to.  but they dont want to know, they dont want to know im not alright, that these scars dont fade with time, they just want me to be normal.  they want me to be like you and the rest of them.  so they are perfecttly happy with a smile.  have i ever told you i can no longer cry?  its been over a year, trust me ive tried.  trust me ive had reason but they just dont come.  i cant even get release from that.  it all just builds up inside until you become numb, until nothing matters anymore.  ive felt death every day.i dont know what to do, i dont know if i should end it, they all say it gets better with time but thats just a lie.  maybe i did die that day.  i would like to think that, that this isnt real life, that others wont go through this, that its just my personal purgitory.  but ive seen thier eyes, ive seen past the smiles that hide the lies.  ive seen the true hand of darkness and the end drawing near.  ive seen the life bleed out of one before my eyes.  im a healer yet so utterly broken inside.  i can fix others but not myself, why is this?  did i truly fail you?
I'm not really sure of the point of this, as no one will care.  This emptiness that developed with you my dear has done nothing but grow since the day you left me.  I've tried to deny it but i still love you.  The emptiness is nearly crushing me now.
Ooh say does that
Star spangled banner yet wave?
Over the bloodies field of your young boys.
At what point do the lives lost in this war of peace
(which in and of itself is quite preposterous)
Out way those supposedly saved?
You proclaim yourself the land of the free and the brave!
But look at yourself now,
The way you treat your own people.
How are you free when you prevent two from becoming one
Simply because their view are different then yours?
You may have been right to rebel against our king
With morals of righteousness
But I ask you, where are those morals now?
Your children starve and murder each other on the streets
You soldiers rape and murder and pillage
What happened to you dear America?
What happened?

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All these people everywhere, they try to pretend, they say they understand.  they all try to say they get your pain, it gets better with time, it gets better with time.  they all say it, but it doesnt.  its been a long long 5 years and it hasn't gotten better.  NObody cares, its al pretend, this game of lifes we all play play play.  its always once im at the edge, the edge of my limits i wonder.  how far can i go before it truly becomes too much, how much ground do i have behind me?  being pushed pushed pushed back all these years, how can there stil be ground left to fall upon?  i havent cut.  not since that night in that house.  4 maybe 5 minths clean, but it still hurts so much.  i wish i never stopped.  once i stopped, almost one year clean til i fell back. but it didnt work, it doesnt make it better any more.  now i cut to try to make it how it used to be, a time lost in the past.  i wonder about that too.  do you still think back into the past?  or have you forgotten me like everyone else.  did you see my insanity? this chaos bubbleing up inside me?  i can barely see through it, my mind is shattered by you.  i dare not hope any more, ive been let down too many times, my mind seems not to work.  yet every day i wake up, put a smile one my face that one one seems to think is out of place. they dont try.  no one tries to see past my lies.  to see past these lies into me, and trully look at a human soul.  its so easy to.  but they dont want to know, they dont want to know im not alright, that these scars dont fade with time, they just want me to be normal.  they want me to be like you and the rest of them.  so they are perfecttly happy with a smile.  have i ever told you i can no longer cry?  its been over a year, trust me ive tried.  trust me ive had reason but they just dont come.  i cant even get release from that.  it all just builds up inside until you become numb, until nothing matters anymore.  ive felt death every day.i dont know what to do, i dont know if i should end it, they all say it gets better with time but thats just a lie.  maybe i did die that day.  i would like to think that, that this isnt real life, that others wont go through this, that its just my personal purgitory.  but ive seen thier eyes, ive seen past the smiles that hide the lies.  ive seen the true hand of darkness and the end drawing near.  ive seen the life bleed out of one before my eyes.  im a healer yet so utterly broken inside.  i can fix others but not myself, why is this?  did i truly fail you?

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Aizawa621
Chance Ewart
Artist | Student | Literature
Transgender slightly bi-sexual lesbian. I do poetry mostly
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:iconcsnewface:
CSNEWFACE Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2013
Yo, let's do another thing. Give me something to edit :)
Reply
:iconcsnewface:
CSNEWFACE Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013
Got a second draft up.
Reply
:iconaizawa621:
Aizawa621 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Student Writer
nice
Reply
:iconccoolchic1:
ccoolchic1 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Student Writer
:iconthankuplz:
Reply
:iconaizawa621:
Aizawa621 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student Writer
np ^^
Reply
:iconkanjihideyoshi:
KanjiHideyoshi Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013
ty for fav
Reply
:iconaizawa621:
Aizawa621 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Student Writer
np
Reply
:iconiheartmurder:
iheartmurder Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

working on those lyrics. It's gonna be a couple days. Newface was taken so i made the group it under CSNewface. You've got some really cool lines in there bro :)

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:iconaizawa621:
Aizawa621 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Student Writer
thanks!
Reply
:iconhuskyfish:
huskyfish Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
I demand a sacrifice.
A Llama would do well.

I await your offering.
Reply
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